it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think I sprained my soul last night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize