You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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