He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
