"it" just moved
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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