Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize