so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
