Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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