This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
