Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
