i'm signing you up for texting rehab
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
