dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
