Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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