Cold hands, warm shart.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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