Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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