So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
