A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
