I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
