A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Damn victory sex feels great
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