I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
