the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
