one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
