I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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