I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
