3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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