Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
