it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize