The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
