her vagine was all disorganized.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
