I'm really into asian looking animals
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
