I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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