you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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