You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
then he tried to convert me to islam
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
