hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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