But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
