"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
