first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
