I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
