He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
