Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Houston, we have a squirter
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
