Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
