The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
