listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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