Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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