I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Randomize
