I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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