3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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