okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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