Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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