I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
