I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
