An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
