Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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