Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
and you fell through a lawn chair
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
