my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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