You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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