Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize