I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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