I'm lost and stupid without you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
