so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
