Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
