I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
