thus making me awesome and them whores
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
