It's Friday. Sex?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you didnt know i had herpes?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
