i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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