i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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