If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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