Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
