my mouth tastes like poor choices
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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