she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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