Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
