i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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