It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
