god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
