Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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