True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
