my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So much Jack, so little girl.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
