clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
