oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
