Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
