You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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