so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fuck me I smell like cheese
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
