I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
