Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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