maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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