My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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