I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
