Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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