YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
