i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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