Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
