Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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