I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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