Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
