so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
