Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
