You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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