I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize