Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
