I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
