she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
