2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
