I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
