Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is Oprah even human
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
