Where is the hickey?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
