Define "chronic" masturbator.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize