What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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