My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
