can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Never underestimate the power of titties
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