I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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