I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
