I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize