So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
